The Old Haymow

May 10, 2018 Marny21,460 Comments

It’s gone now; the barn torn down a few years ago and sold for scrap.

The barn in the middle of being torn down. The haymow extended up to the rooftop. The milkhouse is the white building you see still standing. Photo by Dagny Huseth

My sister and I snagged some awesome doors and barn wood before it was all sold and taken, so we have some physical memories as well.

On one side, there was a lean-to and giant doors between the silos, since the barn was built into the side of a small incline. The elevator to get the hay in during the summer seemed to reach up to the sky though, going through the highest window at the front end of the barn.

It was where my Bestemor and Bestefar stored hay and straw for the cows they raised when they moved from Norway to Wisconsin to farm.

It’s where an OLD plow sat, all metal and rust, with stories only it knew.

It was where I learned, at a young age, that what I thought was a giant rat is really called an opossum.

It was where I learned that opossums will not ALWAYS play dead if scared. It was where I learned what a Dad will do to make sure his daughter is safe.

It was where I learned chores from a very young age, probably around 8 to 10 years old. I learned to climb the ladder into the haymow from the barn below, learning to overcome my fear of heights in some situations.

I learned to confidently go fully into the dark level of the haymow before I could turn on the lights. I learned a dislike for electricity as I got shocked when using that light switch. I learned how a wooden stick was not a conductor, and was the best way to turn on the light without getting shocked.

Almost entirely gone. The barn in the middle of being torn down. Photo by Dagny Huseth

I learned how to throw bales of hay and straw down to the barn below, using the chutes. I learned how to clear the chute safely if a bale got stuck and didn’t make it all the way down. I learned how to tell my friends about the dangers of the chutes and how to stay away from them when they came to visit.

It’s where my cousins and I would play house on a rainy day, climbing a long wooden ladder set at a 45 degree angle from the Wisconsin mud and grass outside into a warm cozy pile of golden dry straw. We would hang up our wet jackets to dry while we played house in our giant private playhouse.

It was where I got in trouble (I think I was the ringleader) for one of my favorite haymow memories. I think it was friends and my sister and brother. My cousins may have been there too. We made a “pool” out of straw. There was still a decent amount of rows, but there was a good distance from the rafters to that level of straw. The hay was higher and we could climb to the rafters from climbing up the rows of hay. We made a box or walls out of straw bales and used most of the bales that had already broken their strings by accident to fill up our “pool” with nice soft straw. We may have had to break one or two extra ones to help with cushioning, and that was definitely wrong to do, because broken bales in the haymow were harder to get down the chute and to the places in the barn they are needed. But man, did we have fun. We jumped off the rafters into the straw pit we’d made. I’m sure there were lots of giggles and squeals that alerted my Dad there was something odd going on in the haymow. I just remember getting in trouble for doing it. It definitely wasn’t safe to be jumping off rafters, but there are definitely worse things on the farm! Who needs a trampoline park when you have a haymow?

It’s where I graduated from unloading the hay from the wagons outside and sending it up the elevator to being inside the hot haymow, stacking the hay expertly in rows up to the highest points of the roof. We would take breaks in between each load, jumping into the pool to cool off, then struggling wet bodies back into sweaty jeans as we heard the tractor coming up the driveway with another load of hay. The chaff would stick to my wet swimsuit and skin, but it would be rinsed off again after the next load.

It’s where our dog “Puppy” kept her new litter.

It’s where I worked on my fear of heights when I would have to fix the giant mixer I was in charge of. We mixed the feed for the cows in a giant drum in special proportions of nutrients and that became my job. I had to stay up there and watch it all in case the silo stopped working or something clogged. While I waited, I would do mini workouts meant to enhance my soccer skills – step ups on a stump of wood were my favorites.

It helped me learn, gave me great stories to tell, and made me stronger.

It’s gone now, the haymow and the barn, but the memories are left, and what amazing memories they are!

I love this picture my talented sister Dagny took. It’s such a great representation of how the barn has faded into our memories.

Women and Sports…in Afghanistan!

April 19, 2018 Marny13,605 Comments

One of my slides that I used to share some valuable tips!

When I first arrived at Resolute Support Headquarters, I was forwarded an email about a program at the US Embassy about Women’s Empowerment called the Mission Speaker Program. It sounded neat, so I decided to ask if the program lead thought roller derby might be a good thing to talk about. She said sure and we started to put the plan in place for me to come speak.

Listening to my interpreter translate a question for me.

We had our date locked in. I was scheduled to give two speeches. One would be translated into Dari and the other Pashto. Then the government shut down. For those of you who haven’t had to deal with a government shut-down, it messes up things a fair amount. Most civilian employees back in the states are not allowed to work, and do not get paid. The shutdown affected government employees and programs overseas as well. I got an email that we would have to postpone due to the shutdown – I didn’t ask for specifics – if she couldn’t work or if the systems could not be paid for. We rescheduled for the end of the month, close to the start of my R&R leave. I was able to do the Pashto presentation right before I went on leave, but didn’t get the chance to go back the next day as I had gotten the notification I had to fly out that day.

When I returned from R&R, the section I work in had already relocated to a new post elsewhere in Afghanistan. This made getting to the embassy a little bit more difficult, but not too much. I rescheduled the brief to coincide with my out-processing of my previous location, tried to schedule a helicopter ride, and then just ended up going to the passenger terminal bright and early to catch a space-available flight out when I wasn’t able to schedule a flight. Thank goodness the personnel at the terminal were helpful when they learned I had a 10 am speech! They originally only had space for me on a flight that left after my speech start time, which was not helpful. I ended up with a big group leaving early in the morning and made it to Kabul in time to enjoy breakfast, talk to some old friends still there, get some mentoring from a great American Colonel, and get to the Embassy with time to spare.

For my first speech back in February, it was a snowy day in Afghanistan and only one dial-in location was available. For my second speech, there were three locations that dialed in and the window I could see out of showed bright sunny skies. I worked with an interpreter for both speeches, but was happily surprised when at least one question in the Q&A session came to me in English from women in the groups. I know the other thing that made me so happy was the amount of women that told me they also participated in sports. I had gone into the speech thinking not many of them would have participated in sports, but I was definitely wrong! They asked me questions about being married and who has supported me through my life; they asked me what my favorite sport was and what was the most difficult.

My derby wife Molly gave a speech on her SHEROes so of course I included that in my speech, telling the Afghan women about the women I play derby with!

One question got to me though – I was worried about my answer and how it would be taken, and if I could even answer it in a helpful manner, not knowing their specific situations. During the second speech, I was asked by one group of women what I would suggest for them to be able to do sports when they don’t have facilities available to them. There are many things I can take for granted as an American woman. I know I can go to a gym and can work out as I wish. As I worked up an answer in my head, I was also thinking to myself – Are women allowed in gyms here? Are there gyms here? Can women go to a gym if there are men around? – there are so many things that I don’t fully know, but I still wanted to answer their question. I started with what I did know. Derby. That’s what the speech was mainly about. I explained to them that even with a sport that is internationally recognized, teams still run into issues finding practice space due to misconceptions about roller derby and the athletes or the worry that our equipment and skates will ruin floors. I was also inspired to tell them about another sporty woman I know, Candi Bridges of EyeCandi Fitness. She has a big old gym in Lawton, Oklahoma, with amazing classes and such a family feel – I’d venture to say everyone feels right at home when they go there for the first time. (I was honestly worried to go there the first time because all I knew was that she was a fitness competitor and trained other fitness competitors – you know, the sparkly bikinis, spray tans and heels people? – and I was worried for probably the first time in my whole life that I would NOT fit in at a gym, and I’m a person who is never nervous about gyms. I’m so glad I went though!) Anyways, Candi started her whole business in her basement if I remember correctly. I recall her telling stories about starting at her house with just a couple clients and she has grown her gym into a spacious area with tons of great instructors and clients! So I told the women asking me this question – how to do sports when there is nowhere to do them – to think small, start small, and work together to help each other. I told them they could get together as a pair to work out at someone’s house or in someone’s yard. I told them anything is better than nothing.

I was worried that I didn’t really answer their question adequately. I was worried I didn’t give them good enough options. When we were all done and signed off, I mentioned that to the interpreters who looked at me a little bit shocked. They said that was a perfect answer for them and they hoped it would also inspire them to start small, which did help me feel a little bit better. Because that is what sports and working out are all about – start small, find a buddy, and just do something!

This was at the end as I said thanks for the opportunity to speak. Many of the Afghan people I’ve had contact with will always say thank you with a hand over the heart.

Notes: For the photos and screenshots I’ve used, I have blocked out the faces of the attendees for their safety and privacy due to the public nature of this blog.

For more info on EyeCandi Fitness, check out their website at www.eyecandifitness.com.

It’s NOT a Stage Name!

April 12, 2018 Marny5,905 Comments

Let me tell you about derby names.

My first derby head shot, taken by my derby wife, Molly Meet Your Maker, aka Marie Berberea.

Picking a roller derby name is more serious and difficult than naming a child. …I mean, I’ve never had to name a child, but hear me out!

Not only are you picking a name, you are probably working harder to make it clever. You have to pick which part of your full derby name will be your nickname or “quickname” – what your teammates will call you on the track as they yell and cheer for you! You have to make sure an announcer at a game won’t butcher it. You have to check databases that track all derby names to make sure you haven’t stolen someone else’s name. You have to register your name in said databases. If anyone else on your team has the same nickname, you normally can’t use it.

Sometimes you can use a name if you live far away from someone else that already has it, but that’s kind of a jerk move. You may not ever plan on moving from your location, but you never know if that person whose name you took may have to move to your area. Then you end up being the jerk that stole their name they had before you, but you’ve been in that league longer. Don’t be that person. I haven’t had a derby person steal my name, but there just happens to be an adult film star that stole my name a couple years after I’d starting using it. I guess they don’t check the derby names database. It has drawn more fans to my derby page, but it unfortunately draws really dumb people who don’t understand why a woman in roller skates and a helmet, who looks nothing like said porn star, doesn’t want to respond to their sometimes vulgar messages. I try to keep it cheery with a “thanks for being interested in roller derby” and just hope natural selection works its wonders on them.

When I first joined derby, I had to start thinking of a name. Some women already know what they want for a name before they even lace up their skates. I didn’t even really know about derby names prior to my first practice! I knew I wanted to highlight my Norwegian heritage, so I muddled over names that included Viking and Valkyrie. I looked for input from team members and trusted friends. One of my Dad’s friends used to call me Norskie Pete when I was young, so that was a contender. Voluptuous Viking was high on the list. When I checked the databases, I notice a bunch of Valkyrie combos. There were less with Viking and I was leaning towards Viking Barbie, which was not taken! I liked that it highlighted sides of my personality, the girly lover of make-up and all things pretty AND the beast who (once she learned to skate) would mess you up! (Yep, when I joined derby I didn’t know how to skate, but that’ll be another story.) It was the perfect balance of tough and sweet.

Here’s my autograph. At the end of our home games, we have an area set up to sign and talk to fans.

Since my name wasn’t really a crazy one or particularly clever, I decided my number would be. At the time I started playing, our league, the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA) allowed numbers to be up to four characters which could include numbers, letters and symbols. I chose 36DD for my jersey number, which always led to some strange looks, comments or questions when we went out and about in uniform. Later on, WFTDA changed their rules for numbers to only use the numbers. Characters could still be included, but would have to be smaller than the numbers on the jersey. Since I knew double Ds could NOT be small, I changed back to my old soccer number I wore through high school and college, 11. That felt more “me” anyways, and through some weird doodling, I ended up with a really cool autograph too!

This is the moment Viking Barbie became a real derby girl! This was taken right after I passed the last portion of my skills testing, 27 laps in 5 minutes.

I figured my short name would be Viking. I wanted to highlight that more than Barbie. There was something I hadn’t planned on though. A very young fan base! Kids LOVE derby. They are always our biggest fans. They come and enjoy the game without worrying that they don’t understand every rule, something their parents tend to have a little more difficult time doing at that first game. And little girls love Barbie. There’s just something about a teammate’s (Hell’n Agony) child screaming “Barbieeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” like a crazed pop-idol fan that makes you start to love being called Barbie even more. I mostly leave it up to my teammates. Some call me Barbie, some call me Viking, some call me VB, and some even call me Marny, saying my real name is just as cool as or cooler than a derby name! While most teammates introduce themselves with their nickname, I always introduce myself with my full name and let others decide which part they want to use. One of my friends, Trigger Trixie, always introduces herself as Trigger. She is on a high-level team now and when we hear an announcer at a tournament call her Trixie, it is super weird!

Derby names are picked for several reasons. Some are based on famous people. We have a SCARlett Johachett on our team who we lovingly call Scar. We have some who have cleverly based their derby name on their own name. Half Pint is Half Pint Brandi, Molly Meet Your Maker picked her name based on the alternate versions of Marie (and some awesome alliteration too!) and Elle-beau Macaroni used parts of her first and last name to make up Elle-beau. Of course we call her Mac, but Agony’s daughter also uses the cutest version of her name and calls her Macaroni, which is awesome! Fictional characters are a good platform to work off of. Machete Poppins did that. And sometimes your name is just a way of being… like our teammate Squirrel!

I’ve been lucky on my current deployment to an Army girl working with the Air Force, who is pretty big on call signs. All the officers have their call signs, which are pretty awesome. I work with Killer, Monster, Thrill, Curly, Beta, Evil and Nubbin to name a few. There’s always a good story to go along with their call sign, which is pretty fun to listen to. I feel so completely humbled that my Air Force brethren have officially given me my derby name as my call sign. It’s great to be walking through our large work area and hear, “hey Lieutenant Colonel Viking Barbie!” After my teammate’s child screaming my name in glee, that runs a very close second in the awesomeness department!

One difficult thing we experience with derby names in our derby world is that real names do not exist! Facebook is hard. Seriously hard. You draw a huge blank when it comes to trying to remember someone’s real name! When someone at an event sees you are a roller girl, they will inevitably come up and say, “oh, so-and-so used to play on the team/plays now with you” and they are usually met with a blank stare and the follow up question – “do you know their derby name?” Thankfully we have a small enough team that someone in the group can usually figure out who they are talking about after a few questions, but it isn’t always easy!

I think this was the first bout poster I was on. Molly made this as well.

If you want to try to generate your own derby name for fun, http://rollerderby.namegeneratorfun.com is a neat site. Feel free to comment and share what it came up with for you! If you want to look at the names already picked and being used on a track near you, check out Derby Roll Call at http://www.derbyrollcall.com.

I hope you were able to learn a little more about derby names today! And just remember, as athletes, derby women will not be happy if you ask them what their stage name is. It’s a derby name! You will never ever go wrong calling it a derby name.